Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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