just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
