Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
