life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize