And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
