the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
