i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
