I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
