Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
