worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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