Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
handjob tips. give me some.
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize