I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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