can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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