this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
