I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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