a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
