I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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