He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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