According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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