My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
