He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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