just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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