So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
