Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
