Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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