I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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