I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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