yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
