i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
