don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
