Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
