I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
