you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
