I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
