It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize