i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
