Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
