Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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