your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
