Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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