Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
