Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
