Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Im part way to drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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