Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
