I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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