Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
