You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
