Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
