just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
