I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
