dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
