So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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