i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
