i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
