she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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