Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
