Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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