I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
