My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
