so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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