this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
