i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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