If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
